Are you actually cool?

Kenny, hipster boheme
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Well I'm not, so it's easy to describe what the crowd here in Prague considers "cool" to be like. Check out if you belong here...

1. Be depressed even if you're not; put on The Face that says "the whole world is f*cked up".

2. Wear either very expensive or "bum" looking clothes, if possible in black, to match your moods.

3. Keep your hair on... anyway, you'll want it, but try to be at least a bit different. No bottle blondes here (unless you're a guy).

4. Watch and like (or say so... who says you really have to?) French, Spanish or Swedish movies.

5. Listen to music you know, therefore not commercial. Nobody will know what you are on about... now that's cool.

6. Never ever be seen with Cosmo, Maxim... and you name it magazines, no funny books either!

7. Carry around Hrabal, Kafka, Kundera, Dostoevsky... in a way so everyone sees the cover (Shakespeare isn't IT - you want to whisper it, not yell I AM COOL!).

8. Don't talk too much, being quiet is strange.

9. If conversation occurs, keep quiet, and every now and then throw in some strange double meaning comments... they'll think you're smarter than they are.

10. Have dog or dreadlocks both to be taken with you if going out.

11. Work at cool place, if teaching English, never admit so, just say you're a poet, writer, actor... or an artist working on a project (drinking beer, scanning girls or boys).

12. Be thin and move smoothly - anything else is just totally uncool (we all've seen the MTV adverts).

13. Do beer, wine, vodka, slivovice, and whiskey; absinthe is for tourist and anything else is for losers.

14. Do PROTEST!!!

15. Don't be an American, and if so, put on a Canadian accent or flag

16. And if you are American and don't have the necessary backpack-flag deal, then just pretend you're one of the lost generation. Hang out at Buwkowski's for extra effect.

17. Be Irish - everyone loves drunks (hey Paul, how're you doing?)

18. Or Scot, Aussie, Kiwi... nobody will understand you = nobody will bother you. 

19. If any other nationality... good for you, pretend to be anybody you want be and enjoy it... as there are loads of wannabes around in Prague anyway, so you'll fit in.

P.S.: if anybody gets offended, just take it easy, and take care, and be good, or ISIS/Trump will get you... 

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