Dr. Mellow's Guide To Women

Women are evil
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Women, by nature, are evil. It is only when we understand this simple concept that men can ever hope to understand women.

Hopefully, with these guidelines, men will have a better understanding of the mysterious ways of womankind.

The first thing one must remember about a woman is that she knows everything. This is without exception. To go as far as say that a woman knows what you are thinking is not unrealistic. If, at any point of time, you are unsure of what you are thinking, one of the best ways to find out is to ask the nearest woman.

But, unfortunately, there is a drawback to asking a woman such a question. This drawback is that she, in all probability, will answer. And once a woman starts talking, it is very rare that she will ever stop. I believe this has something to do with the way that women think. Women believe that as long as they are talking, people listen to her.

Of course, listening to a woman talk can be very tedious at times. It is OK not to listen to her as long as you nod your head in agreement and say "uh-huh" every now and then. This makes the woman think you are listening and therefore she is happy.

Happiness is a good thing in a woman.

If a woman is not happy, all hell breaks loose. In order to help a woman keep a state of happiness, one should buy her gifts for various reasons. These reasons include the 1 month anniversary, the 1 year anniversary, Presidents Day, and any day whose date is a multiple of one. These gifts could be in the conventional form of flowers and candy, or for greater happiness, cars and real estate.

Often, when a woman says something, it is not what she means. But, other times, she says exactly what she means.

It is only possible to distinguish these two cases if you are a woman. Since women already know the nature of women, this is of no use to them. For men, we can only hope to distinguish the difference, for a mistake in judgement can result in death.

Women know what men want. This is very strange, because even as sometimes men don't know what they are thinking, men usually don't know what they want. However, I must observe that it seems that what men want for the most part is women. This is unfortunate, for women know this fact and know that it is possible for them to do almost anything and this fact will not change.

Women have a very delicate nature. It is virtually impossible to keep one happy all of the time. It is totally impossible to know what one is thinking or feeling. And it is also impossible for us men, knowing how evil they are, not to love them.

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