YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ >>
Poetry: The Great Smoke Off

In the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael, lived a girl named Pearley Sweetcake, you prob'ly knew her well...

...

fShare
0
Pin It

I have a new neighbor.

Mrs. Pešova is a plump, round faced woman with watery eyes and fine blond hair who studies art and works part time at an old people's home. In many respects the perfect, personable neighbor.

But sadly, not so. She has a dog you see. Not the kind of dog that gambols around a park fetching sticks with unrestrained enthusiasm and bonhomie. Not for her the loyal Labrador, confident Collie or altruistic Alsation.

Not a real dog, but a toy dog.

Her toy is a small rodent sized bundle of white fur with a foolish Ewok face and beady, bitumen black eyes that hint of mean and spiteful acts. Of self important opportunism, of nipped ankles and soiled carpets. For some reason this toy dog has it in for me. The feeling is mutual. 

Like a cuckoo in our midst, the animal appeared earlier this month. I heard Mrs. Pešova walking down the hallway making odd encouraging cooing, mewing noises, followed by the rustle and scrape of nails on concrete and from my window I saw her leading the creature outside for its evening movements. 

It skipped along the line of cars with calculated destiny until it found a suitable spot and then cocked it's leg on a car wheel. On my wheel. On my car. I was taking this in, when I noticed Mrs. P. engaged in conversation with a young mother, while hidden from her view by the car, her offspring, a young toddler in an outfit of primary colours, approached the dog. It rocked back slightly on its haunches and then froze, with venomous stare, it's tongue flicking the air.

The child was within a couple of feet, when the animal struck. With viper like reflexes it leapt forward and clamped its fangs into the tiny outstretched hand, before writhing away. As the screams of the youngster hung in the air, Mrs. P. chased the dog from car to car down the street. 

There was worse to come. It was a typical rushed morning departure for work, with bolted breakfast, odd socks and misplaced keys. After finally corralling my kit I made it to the front door and stepped outside.

The moment my foot touched the ground I knew something was wrong. Instead of the firm retort of heel on concrete, there was a soft, yielding resistance, followed by a short slide. It's a sensation learnt early in childhood, which means only one thing. 

As I surveyed the skid mark on the floor and the spatter on my shoe, simultaneously gagging at the odour, there was a rustle at my neighbour's open door. I looked up just in time to see the rear of the beast, the instigator of this hate crime, as it disappeared inside.

Shortly, after a nauseating clean-up session, I confronted Mrs. Pešova. As little Fu-Fu or Phu-Phu or Pu-Pu or whatever its name is writhed around in her arms, she apologized profusely in a sweet, calming tone of voice obviously perfected on the senile old goats at the retirement home.

My anger subsided, and I accepted her contrition as she went to get her mop. Over her shoulder, the beast stared back at me, its top lip curled back in an arrogant sneer.

It saved the best till last. Or rather, the worst till first. First thing the following Saturday morning. When the effects of the previous night's indulgences were competing for attention in my head, they were rudely pushed aside by a high pitched whine, that slowly grew in decibels and ended with a YEEAAP!

For the remainder of the morning me and my hangover were denied the peace and quiet we deserved as Fu-Fu's inane doggy screeching filled the air. I vowed revenge. I will not have to wait long. 

Mrs P. goes on holiday next week, and guess who she has asked to feed her pooch? As she explained the details of Fu-Fu's diet, it sat in the corner of her flat on a cushion with a look on its face I hadn't seen before.

Maybe there was something in my smile that gave the game away. Back in my flat I reviewed the contents of my spice cabinet. Revenge would be mine. For the next week this dog's dinner would be done up like a dog's dinner.

Crash Impulse: Maybe Next Time
Keith Kirchner David Cronenberg's Crash

In many ways David Cronenberg's adaptation of J.G. Ballard's 1972 novel perfectly describes the  [ ... ]

Yankee goes home...
Milkmoney Jones

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Kwanza to all in this season of kindness and brotherhood.  [ ... ]

Crime in Prague: Think meets the people who burgle...
Joe Bodia Criminal Confessions: Burglars speak out

When you leave your overpriced panelák in the morning, do you check to see if all the doors and win [ ... ]

Moscow's Only Alternative
Alexander Zaitchik

the eXile: Sex, Drugs, and Libel in the New Russia

Interview with Sarah Fimm
Rebecca Kane Sarah Fimm

It's not everyday that you meet someone as interesting as Sarah Fimm. She has already culminated nin [ ... ]

10 Reasons Women Date Jerks Instead of Nice Guys
Joe Bodia She hasn't left you yet, but she will!

Having witnessed this phenomenon more than once personally and to decent dudes I've known, I've ofte [ ... ]

IGNORE ALIEN ORDERS! Profile of the Grey
M. Collins Profile of the Grey

This is a composite profile created from sorting through the hundreds of reports from people who cla [ ... ]

LLAMA FARMERS - Dead Letter Chorus (Beggars Banque...
Keith Kirchner LLAMA FARMERS - Dead Letter Chorus

It's tough being young...

Read more...

Name Day/Svatek

Yesterday : Jáchym Today : Petra Tomorrow : Helena After tomorrow : Ludvík

Our Mission

1. To make you think
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them think, they'll hate you.
2. To tell the world the truth
When you only tell the truth, you start earning trust, as journalists, our mission is to tell the truth.
3. To make you laugh
We want to make you laugh, chuckle, smirk, grin or smile as we try to find the upside of life in the face of all the evil around us.

The Power Flex yoga pant from 90 Degree by Reflex is the ideal combination of fashion, function, and performance. Our fabric is designed to contour perfectly to your body, giving you a streamlined look. We've created the perfect fabric at the perfect https://www.amazon.com/90-Degree-Reflex-Womens-Power/dp/B00IDHFYVM These Power Flex Pants are perfect for yoga, pilates, running, or any type of exercise or fitness-related activities. You can also go from the gym to running errands - all while being comfortable and stylish. Pairs well with our famous Power Flex Tan.

Bola24 adalah agen bola sbobet indonesia terpercaya

Situs bandarq indoqq dan aduq online terbaik di Indonesia

Tüvtürk randevu alma telefonla araç muayene randevusu almak için online hizmet tüvtürk araç muayene randevu istanbul ankara bursa izmir antalya telefonla randevu online web sitesi üzerinden başvuru yapınız Tüvtürk araç muayene randevu aldıktan sonra veya katma değerli 0888 233 0666 servis numaramızı dilediğiniz saatte çevirip çağrı

Taller Movil is a manufacturer of innovative van racking and aldder rack fully customised and made of anodised aluminium profiles which give them strong mechanical resistence plus light weight, give a look there http://tallermovil.org. Given that Taller Movil has planned to expand abroad starting from the USA where is opening a new facility in the state of Delaware because of its position on the Atalantic Ocean close to Florence port and the main market o the North East.

let's think for a while as to why love is important in a relationship. By reading these Love Qoutes you will be overly inspired to be more active, open and expressive about your feeling and showing someone how much your truly feel about them.

Improve your online visibility and generate more revenues thanks to Inspira SEO services in Bangkok, Thailand. Inspira SEO company offers professional and results oriented services.