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We didn't write it. Long before there was "The Most Interesting Man in the World", there was a guy named Hugh Gallagher. If you read this and still think you write good, props to you. ...

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Well, it looks like the trial of the century will go down in infamy, as OJ Simpson rots away in his jail cell, for using violence to recover his stolen property in a Las Vegas hotel room.

Which just goes to show you that American legal system will get you one way or another. But could he really be as innocent as he was proven in a court of law? Who knows?

The following is a nice bit of emailophilia that went around, in the style of Dr. Seuss...

I did not kill my lovely wife.

I did not slash her with a knife.

I did not bonk her on the head.

I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.

I took a limo, then took a flight.

The bag I had was just for me.

My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be!

When I came home, I had a gash.

My hand was cut from broken glass.

I cut my hand on broken glass.

A broken glass did cause that gash.

My friend, he took me for a ride.

All through LA, from side to side.

From north to south, we took a ride.

But from the cops we could not hide.

 

My trial lasted for a year.

A year! A year! Just sitting here!

The DNA, the HEM, the HAW!

The circus-hype the viewers saw!

A year! A year! Just sitting here!

Did you do this awful crime?

Did you do this anytime?

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

Did you take this person's life?

Did you do it with a knife?

I did not do it with a knife.

I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

Did you hit her from above.

Did you drop this bloody glove?

I did not hit her from above.

I cannot even wear that glove.

I did not do it with a knife.

I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

The glove you see, it doesn't fit

The lawyer says you must acquit

Acquit because the cops all lied

"Acquit! Acquit!" the lawyer cried

The jury came back, verdict in hand and silence fell across the land

"Not guilty, not guilty" they did decree

"Not guilty, not guilty, now set him free"

And now I'm free, I can return

To my house for which I yearn.

And to my family whom I love.

Now would you please return my glove!!!


- Illustration by Fred Levy

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