How to be the "Funny Guy" in your workplace

How to be the "Funny Guy" in your workplace
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Well is it the end of the world or what? (Can I go home now?

It's the end of the year, it's the end of the century, it's a new millennium. We've all been through this before, right? 

I mean, it's only a date, right? Nothing bad's gonna happen, errright? But what if it does? What if the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse come flying in? What if David Koresh and his wacky WACOvites were right?

What if the Mayans ended their calender right about now for a reason? Then you've got the perfect excuse to test all limits of societal norms and be a real funny guy at the same time. And if nothing happens, just tell 'em the chip in your brain isn't Y2K compliant!

Top Ten Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in Your Office 

10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you're just kidding and tell them that they are all a bunch of queers. 

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting, put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big loogie. Then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say, "Beat that."

7. Inform a male co-worker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker." Then piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good "ass f*cking."

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand down your pants.

5. Answer every question asked to you with "f*ck if I know!" Then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

3. sh*t on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it's the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full of sh*t, laugh and point.

2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!" Then, when it stops, look down and say, "Oh."

1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Bring it to the bathroom and stick it in your butt. Return it and tell the person to smell it. When they tell you it smells bad, be like, "It should! I had it in my butt!" 

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